Friday, March 1, 2013

Save the Drama

A little food for thought on this Friday afternoon.

So, I felt compelled to write this post NOW and not wait until Random Wednesday or any other day for that matter. 

This might make you hate me or love me. I am taking a BIG risk and hoping that you will still love me...or at least like me.

And for the record, what I am about to say DOES relate to me, maybe NOT at this very moment in time, but it has effected me several times in my life. And I will say, I am JUST as guilty as the next person. I just have just chosen to CHANGE the way I live and my world view, if you will.

DRAMA.


Why? What is the point? What does it do, but make life taste dirty, look dirty and feel dirty.

Let me also add that this post has to do with both your real life and blog life.

There has been so much negativity floating around blog land that it makes me want to barf. Like go to the toilet, and throw up the two tacos I just had at Jack in the Box. 

Come on, ladies. Get a freaking grip. It's a blog. If you don't like what you see on someone elses blog...move onto the ones you DO like. Why waste time and energy on being negative? It will suck the ever living life at of you. I promise.

Stop being jealous. Stop being catty. Stop the shit talk. Period.

Again, I am not saying anyone has been rude or ugly to me...yet. 

So many people have been posting about what you should and shouldn't do on a blog. People are leaving crappy anonymous comments. People are mad at other people because of giveaways. People make fun of other's HARD work.

I ask you again, why? Does this make others feel better about themselves? Does this make their own insecurities diminish? Do they think it's funny? Do they think they are being cute? Are they trying to fit into a certain clique?

I wish I knew the answer. I just know that it makes me so sad that we live in a world/society that thinks it's okay to knock each other down. 

I had a small dose of "drama" creep into my real life last weekend. Guess what I did? I texted/called the person and we talked. We talked like rational, mature adults. There was no name calling, there was no gossip...only talking through the situation and resolving....hugging it out. All is back to normal. No harm, no foul.

For the love of all that is holy, please try to make a conscious effort to zip your lips when something unattractive about someone else wants to fall out of your mouth.

Don't be that person that gets stereotyped as the one who likes to talk crap and stir the pot. Once you are "labeled" as this person, it's hard to shake.

As my dad always told me, "Keep your nose clean."

Remember that not a single person on the face of the planet is PERFECT. We all have our faults and flaws. So, the next time you want to throw out the "mean" card, take yourself back to when someone smacked you across the face for no reason. Remember what that felt like. Remember how bad it hurt.


At the end of the day, post what you want. Say what you want. Do what you want. Just don't feel like you can be a biz-natch because you want. It's gross and unattractive.

Personally, I get no greater joy than to make someone happy or smile. I also get no greater remorse than when I know I have intentionally or unintentionally hurt someone's feelings.

I am not saying we should all join hands and sing Kumbaya. We know that's never gonna happen. It's not the real world. All I am saying, in the words of Thumper, is "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

Remember why you started blogging? For me it was to talk about fashion and my life. Many people have chosen to stop reading what I have to say. That's okay. It hurts a little, but I am not for everyone. Just like you are not for everyone. But everyone deserves to be respected both on blogs and in real life.

Just FYI, this is NOT directed to any particular person or event. It's a culmination of things I have personally witnessed. All you have to do is open up Google Reader or step outside and see it with your own eyes.

Maybe it's something to chew on over the weekend because we are all guilty of it. And if you say you're not or never have been, I call the BS card on ya. ;)

Enough said.

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101 comments:

Ashley said...

AMEN SHANNA!
That's all I have to say!! :)

Elizabeth said...

I found your blog through the Tiffany & Co giveaway and I have to say that I am so glad that I did. I think that you just said what so many people are thinking about drama in real life and blog life. I am not huge into the blog community... I blog off and on, so I don't see as much of it here, BUT while looking for an actual job I am bartending in a restaurant where there is drama every day. In fact I am currently trying to figure out how to handle a situation where I was told that someone was saying some nasty stuff about me behind my back and I know if I confront this person that she will deny it, but I also think she is probably saying stuff because she has something mean to say about just everyone that we work with. If people could just confront these situations like adults AND keep their nasty comments to themselves the world would truly be a better place! Thanks for posting this!

Shelley said...

We all need this reminder sometimes. Thank you!

Vicki said...

AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

I am a firm believer in treating others the way you want to be treated, and lately the blog world has been ... less thing welcoming. People are getting mean and trying to tell people what to do ... and WHY? I mean to each his own. Why can't we all be supportive of one another? Why do we have to bash one another and bring people down? There is nothing worst then a bully!

Thank you for being you and for this post!!!!

Setarra said...

Preach Pastor Shanna! {snaps fingers in the air all over the place}

Sami said...

Preach it sista! I ain't perfect and I have never claimed to be but I do my best! This is gonna sound so ridiculous but you are the little shining light of happy and no bullshit that I know I can always count on and I love that about you! You are always saying and doing sweet things and I just know that both on the surface and way deep down you are a good good person! Love the heck out of you :) Have a wonderful weekend!

Alissa | Feeling Good said...

I love this post. This is all SO true - blogging is hard enough but people can be MEAN. As I'm finding out. I'm also struggling with losing followers but I'm trying to remember, as you said, I'm not for everyone. Props to you girl. You make me smile everyday!

Alissa
FeelingGoodFashion.blogspot.com

J and A said...

Great post!! You got it right on. Have a fabulous weekend!

Tiffany @ Polka Dotted Cats said...

Get 'em Shanna!

Melanie said...

Love this So much. Glad you posted it!

Kristine -Heart Shaped Sweat said...

Yes!! Well said girl! We all deserve respect in our spaces, RL and blog life. Each of us thrive from respect and compliments, if those aren't warranted it's best to just move on! Take your energy elsewhere. Not much good comes from being mean but a world of good can come from lifting each other up :)

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

Sing it sister. The beauty about anything online is that if you don't like it, you don't have to read it.

Cliquey shit talkers and anonymously posting cowards online/behind the back talkers in real life and the like are insecure and jealous. That's where most shitty behavior comes from: insecurity, weakness, and jealousy.

Erin said...

AMEN SHANNA!!! Get Yo Preach On Sista!!! :)

Crazy Style Love said...

Shanna, this made me love you even more. :) I agree 100% with you on this. A few years ago, 3 days before my 30th birthday, a so-called "friend" behaved very poorly towards me. I spent the weekend sole-searching, and decided that I was going to live a drama-free life from that day forward. I was NEVER one to be mean to others, but I vowed to never say a mean, unkind thing about anyone again (although, I'm not going to lie...I may have thought it), and now I let the hurtful or disrespectful comments towards me just roll off my back. Life is way too short to deal with anyone else's negativity, but it's even shorter to waste your energy being mean to someone else.

Although I haven't really witnessed it in the blogging world, I keep hearing people talking about how it's going on, and it makes me very sad to think all of these women can't behave like adults. Thank you for addressing this, and I sincerely hope this stops.

xo Jenny

Lobster Meets Peach said...

Blogging is all about sharing and helping one another not hate! There is no need for the drama!!!

Lobster Meets Peach said...

Blogging is all about sharing and helping one another not hate! There is no need for the drama!!!

The Pink Growl said...

Amen! I remember one anon comment I got early on said something like "you bloggers just put your whole life on the internet and never expect any criticism in return". I just can't believe people take the time just to read my stories and make hateful comments. If you don't like what I say WHO CARES? Well said my dear!

Cassandra said...

If I could stand and applaud you through the screen I would! I'm so tired of hearing about what blogs should/shouldn't do. Its like blogging has turned into just blogging about blogging and it makes me sad. Coming to your page is always refreshing, because I know I'll see bright cheery Shanna with her amazing outfits, family, and stories. Thank you for being you!

Andrea {blonde ambitions} said...

Amen sista!! Agree with every word! Love you!!

Alex[andra] said...

I TOTALLY agree! I've written my own post in the past about the power of positive thinking and that if people just thought more positively maybe they wouldn't feel the need to be so negative all the time - so negative that they try to bring *others* down! Sadly, jealously is a dangerous thing and causes people to act in inappropriate manners. Good for you for speaking up though!

Kat@shop.school.sleep. said...

Let 'em have it Shanna!! We've talked about this so you know my thoughts...however much we try to stay out of drama..like you said we are all guilty of it at soem point or another..but I do try to not say anythign at all if I can't say soemthign nice...I relaly do try to find the good/positive in everyione and everything. I would rather be positive and happy. Love ya!!

Nicole G said...

Wow what a fantastic post! I know there is drama in real life...as gross and sometimes stupid as it is, but I had no idea in blog land it was like that as well? What's the point in being rude or negative about someone else...especially someone you don't know. It's pretty sickening.

Stick to your guns sista! Great post!

xx
Nicole
www.nicoleandtrentnyc.blogspot.com

Sarah said...

Preach it girl!!

kara schwieterman said...

Just started to follow your blog and this post is so true. No need for drama!!

Alyssa @ Sugar, Spice, and a Dash of Advice said...

Agreed!!! You are the best and I promise you put smiles on many many faces every day! Have a great weekend!

Makaila said...

I raise my glass to you mama! Well said. I am much too much of a puss to address this ridiculousness I've been seeing in my blog reader. You did so, so well, and it is applicable across all aspects of life. Cheers!

Debra said...

Hey girl! I'm in agreeance with you. Who really needs the drama. I don't have time for it. I actually found myself in a RL drama situation with a "friend" a couple years ago. It was so hurtful that I had to completely end our friendship. Drama. No one likes it & we certainly don't have to PUT UP with it.

Hugs to you for being the brave girl to put this issue out there. Xo

Debra@stylewisebydebra.com

Cathy said...

Kisses, sista! I wish the whole world was reading this (including a couple of people in particular)! Happy weekend, babe :)

http://cstyledesign.blogspot.com

Andrea McCave said...

I am glad you wrote this. I have wanted to say something for so long but my blog isn't "big enough" to make an impact...so I have been told. I hear/see tweets, other posts on HOW you should run your blog. Mean girls never change, only now they hide behind technology.

I love your blog and IG feed. Keep inspiring others.

Andee

Amy said...

***standing ovation**

Why can't women just support one another and help one another? Why is it in our nature to be jealous, to be competitive, etc.

Right there with ya sister! Have a great weekend!

Coffee Beans and Bobby Pins

Miriam said...

i really don't understand why women can't support other woman and instead of encouraging and building each other up, we tear each other down b/c of pride, jealousy and envy.. it really is an ugly sight.

Leeann @ Join the Gossip said...

It's sad because the people who have started drama - and talked badly about other bloggers IN FRONT OF ME - I've told them to stop up front. And they don't even see/get it. I think people who want to be in cliques and bully others really are delusional. But to some degree they have to realize what they are doing is not OK. Maybe they are just ashamed of their behavior and chose to believe they do no wrong?

We ALL do wrong. But what sets apart drama people and good people is the ability to realize we are wrong and apologize.

This is a great post. I agree things are getting out of control with people being so mean. It's blogging. It should be fun, not uncomfortable!

Cassie said...

preach sister!! i always have to remind myself that no one MADE them come to my blog. they chose too.

i delete every negative comment. hands down. i delete it. yeah i still think about it. but it's not WORTH it. people are just JEALOUS and UNHAPPY!!

all you can say is, sorry i'm not sorry!

keep on doing your thing lady. you have MORE lovers than haters! xoxo

Sybil@PeaceitallTogether said...

Well said, Shanna! There is no need for drama, in blog life or real life. I just don't have time for it! The perfect statement was, "If you don't like what you see on someone elses blog...move onto the ones you DO like." I still love ya!!

Ashley said...

Totally agree! I created my blog to get away from the drama of real life, and so far everyone has been super sweet.

Most of the drama I encounter is at my work place. You'd think people would all leave the drama behind after we graduated highschool... but no.

Jennifer said...

Word, sister.

This is why I would never blog. Such drama!!

Girls Love Fried Pickles said...

Hmmmm... That's all.

Rachel said...

So true! First of all, how would someone get mad about a giveaway? lol I've seen some drama unfold in the blogging world and its so bizarre. I try to be friendly with everyone. People who create drama and talk about others just have no self confidence!

Kim K said...

Love your blog ! What you said is so true .. if you don't like something move on !
Kim K

Kristin said...

I've often seen the "dos and don'ts" posts and I think, "Hmm I should write one..but why? Why would I tell someone else how to blog? That doesn't make any sense!"
Well said :)

Brittany said...

Great post Shanna!

JP Lord said...

GO GIRL! My favorite part "Stop being jealous. Stop being catty. Stop the shit talk. Period." you rocked my world with this post. Now about that wine...
xxxx

Carly said...

Thank GOD! The negativity in blog land has been heavy on my heart lately. It makes me really sad. I agree....if you don't like it.....there are about a million other blogs to read!

Well said my friend!

Carly

Jen said...

I've been sitting here for a couple hours after reading certain posts feeling guilty about participating in a big group giveaway that's gonna be on my blog next week. Like actually guilty. And then I read this and it helped me feel not so bad :) I should feel ok about whatever means I use to grow my own personal blog, honestly I am blogging mainly about dog rescue and my main purpose right now in growing my blog is to bring attention to that, so I'll do whatever it takes! Thanks for this post, drama is no good :)

me said...

PREACH IT SISTA! Very well said and I hope you stepped on some toes b/c you needed to.

You rock girl and there's no need in anyone doing any of this.

We should all respect the other and quit being dang jealous and all. We should help each other out instead of judge and talk smack.

Props to you

Lyndsey said...

Thanks for this! You are wonderful! Have an awesome weekend :)

xoxo,
Lyndsey


www.theeyelinermanifesto.blogspot.com

Treasure Tromp said...

love this, girl!

bonbon said...

First time commenting and you are amazing. And I'm sponsoring you next month and so excited!

Julie said...

AMEN!!! You couldn't have said it better.

Stephanie said...

I half agree. I most definitely agree about the parts about insulting others hard work and leaving anonymous comments. Lame!

Buuuut I'm generally not of the "don't say anything" crowd. If I have something relatively nasty to say about you (a) it's always true (b) you need to hear it and I might be the only one who's ever honest with you and (c) I always say it to your face and never behind your back.
I will 100% call you for stealing someone's blog idea, leaving a rude comment, acting like a b*tch on twitter. In real life, I stick up for my friends, tell you the girl who spilled a drink on me that she needs to learn how to say excuse me like an adult, call you out for being rude. I just don't ever do it behind your back. I'm just a very confrontational and scrappy person, I'd rather be in your face and deal with it (like you did on the phone!) so it doesn't happen again than let you think your behavior has no consequences.

But I would never have anything bad to say about you!

Ms. Morgan said...

*STANDING OVATION*!!!!!!!!

And "ditto" to everything you said also applies to other life applications (i.e. facebook, twitter, etc)...and oh yea REAL LIFE TOO!

I just started following you today and am so glad I did. :)

I hope you can stop by my newest post about the Box of Thanks I'm doing this year.
http://msmorgansrealitycheck.blogspot.com/2013/02/box-of-thanks.html

Rachel Lynne said...

Amen! Unfortunately, I think drama and negativity will ALWAYS exist, some people just can't live without it... but reminding everyone to take a step back and think about what they are doing/saying/acting towards others is always important. We ALL need that reminder. Also, what you just did by posting this is amazing... standing up to it and saying "I AM DONE" with the drama :) Thank you Shanna! Have a great weekend!

Whitney said...

You are totally right sista! I wrote a post similar to this last week. I think it has just gotten ridiculous and totally out of hand over the past few weeks. I'm over it. You're awesome!

Erin said...

could not agree more--love wins. every single time.

Katie said...

i love you. i continually remind myself when I start doubting how I am running my blog or how I do giveaways or sponsors that this is my blog and I'm doing what I think I should. it amazes me the drama that does go on and is said. unfortunately it mimics real life too. and all we can do is control what we do!

Amanda* said...

For realz This is such a great post!!! I'd like to know, too. What is the point? Does it make them feel better? Maybe people need to learn to vent differently. In different tones!

Sandra said...

AMEN! I agree with Katie. We can only control our own thoughts and actions...isn't that too bad...but good for you for standing up and speaking your heart! There are unfortunately lots of ugly people out there my best answer is to leave behind the things AND people who no longer make a positive addition to your life. Happiness is just around the corner :)

Sheila said...

You've said it!!!! AMEN! ;)

I hate drama.. they can save it!

xo – Sheila
Win a $30 Target giftcard!!

Brianna Tucker said...

I agree. I have had to put modification approvals on because of the negative comments. Who would want to read about drama and bad things everyday. Its great to share things that are bothering you but not everyday. No one likes a debbie downer

Andrea @ Love is... said...

Couldn't agree more! Great post!!

Jessica Who? said...

whoa whoa whoa! i feel like there's a lot of passion in this post! maybe some anger too?
i feel like i live under a rock now because i haven't seen/heard any drama around blog land recently.
but yes, i've lost some real life friends because i just couldn't take the crap anymore. had to cut out the negativity in my life. turns my stomach in knots thinking how some people can be so intentionally mean.
whatever made you post this, hope it gets better! xx

Michael said...

Amen!!

Lisette said...

I love that you wrote this. I'm over here with eyes closed, palms facing the sky, stomping my feet saying "yes, Lord!" Ok. Maybe that's an exaggeration. Haha. But really. I agree with you. Have a problem? Lets talk about it like rational adults. Have a nice weekend love!

Laura B @ Walking in Memphis in High Heels said...

Amen. If someone doesn't like someone's blog then they shouldn't read it. No leaving rude comments. That's immature and just plain rude. Have a great weekend pretty lady!

lost in travels said...

amen!! people need to just mind their own business. if you don't like what someone says or does on their blog MOVE ON! there are plenty others that you can go read

Katie said...

THANK YOU, thank you, thank you!

I feel like I could've written this post, myself. I have been shutting myself off from the blog world a bit lately (even though I'm new to it -- only been blogging 6 months) because of this. It is just so stinkin' sad to see. And even sadder to see "big" bloggers participating in it. Seriously. Downright shocking to me!

So thank you. Thank you for being brave!

Tallia said...

that is true..just ignore the bad comments...it doesn't make anyone look bad but them! Also I love your Plato quote!

www.trendinginfashion.blogspot.com

Dani @ Inspire. Motivate. Love. said...

LOVELOVELOVE!! Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but choosing to share those opinions when they are hurtful is just not ok. Not with the way it seems to happen these days. I've tried really hard to rid my life of drama....for all the reasons you list here. Love you girl! This is perfect <3

prettyanddelectable said...

Cheers to being kind to others, and thoughtfully silent when appropriate. Hope you have a wonderful weekend! :)

Charlie said...

Good on you for talking to that person. It's easy to be nasty when you think you won't be challenged. I think that, hard though it may be, the easiest way to think about things like this is that when people are nasty it is usually an issue they have, not something you have done or said (unless, of course the content is blatantly 'wrong' from a racial, sexual, bigoted etc point of view which is, I am sure, not the case with yourself). People are just damn odd! And it is a shame that the few nasty-and-odd ones affect us more than the lots of fabulous-and-odd ones. Good post!

Jeans and a Teacup said...

I'm sad to hear there's so much negativity in blog land! Fortunately, I haven't seen/experienced much of it. I just don't understand why people want to be so mean!
~Jessica
Jeans and a Teacup

Stephanie + Walter said...

I LOVE THIS POST!!! my favorite part: if you don't like something on a blog MOVE ON. What is the point in saying something mean or hurtful?! Seriously, just move on. If you don't like a blog or it's content then DON'T FOLLOW that blog. It's very simple.

Treat others the way you would like to be treated. :)

You're fabulous, lady! xo

Kayla Peveler said...

Get it girl!!! :) Couldn't agree more.

Chelsea said...

Dang girl, way to tell it like it is :) Love that you're living this out too by addressing conflicts head on!! Hope you have a beautiful weekend free of any drama!

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Lisa - respect the shoes said...

Great post, Shanna. Those of us with blogs started them because we wanted to do something fun and participate in a community - while we should all be open to differing opinions and constructive criticism, I don't think there's a place for people being mean just for the sake of it.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...
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Adrienne Clark said...

Love this post!! Not only have I been dealing with a situation at work in which there is a coworker, who I swear, cannot function unless there is some sort of drama swirling in the air; I'm also a blogger newbie and have even commented to my non-blogging friends ab how sweet everyone is in blog land. And thennnn I got an email from someone questioning me ab something and I was taken aback. Total stranger. And for a second I was offended and then I remembered something that I read on one of the first blogs I started following ab people who will just say whatever they please and I felt in good company. If only everyone were nice...
Thanks for sharing such amazing thoughts girl!
Adrienne

Http://myblackwhitecolor.blogspot.com

Susan Graves said...

Nice post.Well said sister,Just in straightway.
Everyone should be positive in their every step. really Love the post.Have a nice weekend.
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Janna Renee said...

I'm down to hold hands and sing Kumbaya! Thanks for posting this, girl. Personally, I think that many of us look up to you and how sweet and wonderful you are. I always know that I will find positivity surrounding anything you do, and that is very comforting. I think that people will really take this to heart since it is coming from you! Thanks for being you :)

Ashley Barnhill said...

LOVE this post! I couldn't agree more!!! Why can't we all just get along and be supportive of each other?! If everyone would do that and choose to focus on the positive vs the negative, the world would be a much happier place!

Martha said...

You said it, girl!
I really hate drama in every aspect of my life. I just don't understand blog drama...I mean, if you don't like a blog, just read something else!
I'm sticking around, I love your blog!

Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

I think I was born without the drama gene. Therefore, i had few female friends until recently. Really what it boils down to is respect. If we all treat each other with respect, there would be no drama.

Niki Caron said...

Good for you for speaking your mind! No one could possibly hate you for this! Actually, I'm going to tweet it! I somehow seem to miss all this drama that is going on, although I guess that's a good thing. That s*t stresses me out. I wish people could just focus on themselves and stop being so hateful of others.

Brianne Bracco said...

Thank you for writing this.... You are right and I agree with every. single. word. written. This should gain nothing but respect from others who read this. :)

Anne N. said...

TRIPLE LOVE YOUR BLOG POST! And yes, I used caps lock on purpose. Keep up the excellent work. :-)

Brooke Houston said...

Gah, I wish I could send this to a certain someone right now. They volunteered for their role in my wedding, and has yet to act on that role. I'm a pretty chill bride, yet she still finds something to nitpick, be bitter about, or just tries to bring me down. It's sad, and I'm doing everything I can to make things not so difficult, but it doesn't seem to be helping. Pretty sure there is an underlying cause for all of her bullying, but I can't get down to the bottom of it!

SH said...

I completely agree! I don't like anonymous comments, especially if they are rude. If someone wants to host a giveaway, all the power to them. I think the most important thing in the blogging community is respect, hands down.
Happy Monday!

Sheree
The Hartungs Blog
thehartungs.blogspot.ca

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Anne said...

Reason #457923 why I love you.

And read along always.

I'm over all the negativity going on lately & clearly you are too. ��

Robin Hardeman said...

Hello,
Well said! Let's keep the positivity flowing. Good always wins!
http://robincharmagne.com/blog

Christy said...

This is why we all love you...... Beautifully written!!!!


XOXO
Christy
Monkeysandtwinklestars.blogspot.com

Mellissa "Shia" Rondinelli said...

I'm with you on the blog drama ... what sense does that make. Just move on and never come back if you don't like what you see. Real life drama ... well that kinda comes in waves but then again ... maybe it needs the same approach. Great post!!

Hope you are having a great week!
Shia
World According to Shia

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